Tagged: bad

Videogames and RomComs: an unconventional love story

I have an unholy interest in romcoms. I don’t think they’re objectively good, but the fact that I am the target audience never ceases to fascinate me. You want to know what’s offensive? What Hollywood execs think women want! Marriage, Cath Kidston tea towels, candles, creepily organised flat, to be white, young and beautiful, to have a gay best friend and/or black best friend to offset your problems and affirm your superiority, and last but not least, a man who cannot communicate with you…

I’ve noticed that recent romcoms are using videogames to signify a woman’s desirability to men. This is undoubtedly due to the rise of hispter culture and the fetishization of geekdom by the powers that be. Videogames have become part of the incredibly complex mating ritual that is the modern romcom. The leading lady must either embrace their inner cool or compete with a cool girl – the girl that digs comics and is a bit weird and totally love nerdy guys (it’s true they do make the best boyfriends). Continue reading

Sonic Adventure (Dreamcast) and dodgy hub worlds

There are many accounts of what makes a given game great. And just as many about what makes a game appalling, terrible and an utter time-waster (go check out reviews for Bubsy 3D, Superman 64, Big Mutha Truckers and so on). The challenge with Sonic Adventure though is to consider what exactly makes it so… mediocre. Competent. So-so.

Trying to point to why exactly Sonic Adventure is so average has become a strangely compelling challenge for me. I complained in my post about Nights: Journey of Dreams about Sonic Team’s storytelling in the Sonic Adventure games, I whined on the most recent podcast episode that Sonic Adventure isn’t challenging (and for that reason isn’t memorable), but I’m still (sadly?) finding more left unsaid about the remarkable unremarkableness of this game. Continue reading

Sega Saturn print adverts (plus bonus NSFW extras)

Well well. Pretty much all game companies were guilty of this in the mid-90s – let’s look at some SHAMELESS NSFW targeted advertising from Sega.

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But first, I can’t resist this Neo-Geo ad. The man’s pose in this photo is just too funny. This advert has a rather tragic subtext however. Judging by the man’s…vigorous playing style, and the unfortunate image on the TV screen (night after night, he returns to that same boss fight over and over), the Neo-Geo/Cyber-Lip combo has apparently turned this straight man gay, and it’s only now dawning on his wife/mistress/pretty young thing that she’s just become his beard.

Onto Sega now and more highly suspect material:

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Shameless! Immoral! Corrupting! ‘SO WHAT!’ screeches the advert: ‘There’s no time for distractions when you’re deep into Sega Saturn‘. Oh my god. Penetrative sex with a…games console?? Alongside utter moral bankruptcy and some highly suspicious implications for a man’s hardware, at times this advert is just plain rude/patronising: ‘Sega Saturn games offer more than just great looks. Like three 32-bit processors (that’s two more than Playstation, if you’re scoring at home – or even if you’re alone)‘. Seriously, what? Why do Sega care if I’m alone? Are Sega saying single people can’t count? Oh, no, I see, never mind, the subtext of the ad is simply that the Saturn is the only sex doll a single person could conceivably convince their parents to get them for Christmas.

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Not an advert for the Sega Saturn itself but for the excellent Panzer Dragoon Zwei. Although you wouldn’t know it. A touch more subtle than the previous two ads (really we’re talking only a matter of degrees here given this is ‘a game with balls’), the black and white photography gives the whole affair a bizarre and mysterious atmosphere. But of course Sega know what they’re doing with their adverts, and are much too smart to show screenshots of a graphically fantastic game. Far better to show this cock-contemplator hard at work.

Finally, to round off, here are some older Sega adverts for the Megadrive/Genesis and the Game Gear. Any comments on the following would simply add to their numerous injuries. These adverts are from Viz magazine, a still-going British comic magazine. Representative joke: ‘Don’t invite drug addicts to your house on Boxing Day. They may find the offer of cold turkey embarrassing or offensive’. Ba-doom-tish. Let’s get on with these heinous ads. Fair warning, this last crop are definitely NSFW. Continue reading