That title is a joke. Kind of. A half-joke. Honestly I have been anticipating this game since it was first announced many moons ago! Gain Ground on the Megadrive/Genesis is one of my favourite games. I have alluded to this game several times over the years, and I’m here to reiterate that it rocks, especially in co-op. It’s a slow, deliberate and strategic action game. An old and obscure Sega arcade release originally, it finally makes a long-awaited return… I can hardly wait and I want you to be just as excited. (Ha, fat chance.) But I’ll try my best here anyway – bring the hype! Continue reading
Well well. Pretty much all game companies were guilty of this in the mid-90s – let’s look at some SHAMELESS NSFW targeted advertising from Sega.
But first, I can’t resist this Neo-Geo ad. The man’s pose in this photo is just too funny. This advert has a rather tragic subtext however. Judging by the man’s…vigorous playing style, and the unfortunate image on the TV screen (night after night, he returns to that same boss fight over and over), the Neo-Geo/Cyber-Lip combo has apparently turned this straight man gay, and it’s only now dawning on his wife/mistress/pretty young thing that she’s just become his beard.
Onto Sega now and more highly suspect material:
Shameless! Immoral! Corrupting! ‘SO WHAT!’ screeches the advert: ‘There’s no time for distractions when you’re deep into Sega Saturn‘. Oh my god. Penetrative sex with a…games console?? Alongside utter moral bankruptcy and some highly suspicious implications for a man’s hardware, at times this advert is just plain rude/patronising: ‘Sega Saturn games offer more than just great looks. Like three 32-bit processors (that’s two more than Playstation, if you’re scoring at home – or even if you’re alone)‘. Seriously, what? Why do Sega care if I’m alone? Are Sega saying single people can’t count? Oh, no, I see, never mind, the subtext of the ad is simply that the Saturn is the only sex doll a single person could conceivably convince their parents to get them for Christmas.
Not an advert for the Sega Saturn itself but for the excellent Panzer Dragoon Zwei. Although you wouldn’t know it. A touch more subtle than the previous two ads (really we’re talking only a matter of degrees here given this is ‘a game with balls’), the black and white photography gives the whole affair a bizarre and mysterious atmosphere. But of course Sega know what they’re doing with their adverts, and are much too smart to show screenshots of a graphically fantastic game. Far better to show this cock-contemplator hard at work.
Finally, to round off, here are some older Sega adverts for the Megadrive/Genesis and the Game Gear. Any comments on the following would simply add to their numerous injuries. These adverts are from Viz magazine, a still-going British comic magazine. Representative joke: ‘Don’t invite drug addicts to your house on Boxing Day. They may find the offer of cold turkey embarrassing or offensive’. Ba-doom-tish. Let’s get on with these heinous ads. Fair warning, this last crop are definitely NSFW. Continue reading