Tagged: Microsoft

Weird Video Wednesday: Show us Star Fox 64… or else

I love that this promo video, which was delivered to Nintendo Power subscribers in the U.S. on VHS, features such hammy acting. I love that they thought to dress up two guys as Sega and Sony, and that Sony’s catchphrase is “big boy”. What do two guys dressed up as Sega and Sony look like anyway? Well, obviously, they’re two guys wearing shirts with the company logos emblazoned on them. And they make quite a tag team here too, as they storm Nintendo of America HQ hunting for the “secrets” of their latest game, Star Fox 64 (or Lylat Wars, as it was called in Europe). I love that they extract information from these guys by threatening to torture a stuffed Mario doll. I love that the actors hold the N64 controller in the incorrect way – so just like everyone else picking up an N64 controller for the first time then.

In fact I think we can safely say that I love everything about this video. Thanks Nintendo Power. Now, can we get an updated, Star Fox Zero-ed version of this? I want to see Reggie Fils-Aime being gassed by a Pizza Hut branded box (he used to work for them you see), wielded by some mad Microsoft employee.

Russell Brand and the anti-videogame proletariat agenda (aka Jonathan Ross and videogames)

Everyone’s banging on about Russell Brand and his revolution. Crypto-fascist-communist-socialist-leftist-conservatist-sexist-racist-totalitarianist scum that he is, or whatever, according to Google the man is of no relevance to videogames. Therefore he shall not be mentioned again until he sees sense and replaces Satoru Iwata as Nintendo of Japan’s CEO. Now that’s how you go about changing political systems. Despite Brand’s uselessness, his accomplice in the Sachs phone scandal, Jonathan Woss, is of some import as these adverts and videogame cameos show. 

IBM, was it weally necessary to so cwuely include the word wange??

After a long career on television, Woss’s career finally peaked with this.

As the only “celebrity” actually trying in this advert his delivery deserves some credit, despite how saccharine and cringe-worthy the advert is more generally. It’s not acting either on Ross’s part, the bloke is definitely passionate about games. 

He has a limited wange though, let’s be honest. “Let’s go give baby his bottle” with his delivery sounds literal, credible, real – you can imagine this space marine leaning back to attend to his thirsty child in the back seat. It certainly doesn’t sound like the bad-ass testosterone-fulled war cry you know it’s supposed to be.

And as a final bonus he’s got one or two more lines recorded here. Skip to 4:15.

Perhaps at some point I’ll return to discuss Woss in Fable 3 (3 is definitely Woss’s magic number), and his recent iOS game, Catcha Catcha Aliens, but until then that’s enough Woss love. He’s just a comedian after all, never mind that he loves Parodius, and anyway as we know all comedians are exactly the same and of no relevance to anyone.