I’m a day late, if anyone cares (no one does). My apologies – let’s hope this week’s video is weird enough to compensate! And I know I always say this – I have to really, don’t I – but this one is plain weird. A sad, tragic kind of weird really. Duke Nukem, king of all that is puerile and over the top, crossed a line with this NSFW Duke Nukem 3D expansion back in the mid-nineties.
Duke Nukem’s Penthouse Paradise represents a partnership between Duke Nukem (and more relevantly, the developer/publisher GT Interactive) and the pornographers over at Penthouse magazine. Together, they produced this bizarre pixellated mash-up of naked ladies and armoured aliens, complete with a big bad alien boss at the end of it.
There’s not a whole lot else to say about this oddity, except that it reminds me of experiences playing the original Counter-Strike when players created and sprayed their own custom “tags” in the maps. With the freedom to insert any image of the player’s choice, you can imagine there were a share of dodgy ones. Like the sprites in Duke Nukem 3D, the tags in Counter-Strike were strictly limited to a small number of pixels, making for some very blurry renditions of human private parts. At least in Counter-Strike there was some potential tactical utility to this: if an enemy player happened across the tag, they might be temporarily distracted by it and meet their demise as a result. A stretch, maybe, but I’m looking for a silver lining here! Unfortunately I am unable to identify one with Duke Nukem’s Penthouse Paradise.
Introducing! A game! Mr Bones! This whole game for Sega Saturn has a certain odd, off-kilter feel, but a ways into the game Mr Bones takes a turn for the bizarre. And the level that introduces the insanity is called Glass Shards. The cutscene intro for this particular level shows our hero, a skeleton called Mr Bones, being absorbed into a portal. He finds himself in a psychedelic no-man’s-land, with only some unevenly spaced floating lilies to help him escape.
[Note: I couldn’t find any videos that contained the whole audio for this level fully except for this one, which has had some strange video filters applied for effect.]
As you can tell, music is a big part of Mr Bones. There’s a wide variety of gameplay styles in the game, and the heavy rock soundtrack by “famous” guitarist Ronnie Montrose (I’d never heard of him), is one of the few things that ties them all together. This time, in Glass Shards, it’s the usual heavy rock guitar stylings you’ve heard throughout the rest of the game, except with a voiceover. And what a voiceover.
As you wrestle with the controls and those obnoxious lily pads, the game subjects you to some of the most remarkable ramblings ever concocted on the topic of “the blues”. What words are there for a game that comes out with gems like “Jesus Christ had the blues, big time,” and “beyond all the land and sea and sky, there’s blues”?!
By way of a bonus, this next video provides a glimpse of what happens AFTER you defeat the blues. Or whatever it was you did in that stage. I recommend watching at least a minute or two of this next vid until the cutscene at the end of this stage, which features our skeletal hero Mr Bones seducing a half-naked ghostly siren with a guitar solo! (It would seem utterly strange if not for the madness before.)
I’m not typically a fan of blogs that put out content that isn’t original – round-ups of other content, reposting news, etc. But I decided to make an exception for myself here, partly to help expand our output on Very Very Gaming a bit but also because in the course of the past decade with the rise of Youtube and our own interests in games reaching fever pitch, we’ve come across a fair few gaming-related vids that we find funny, entertaining, weird or interesting. And this blog is the obvious place to share those. So every Wednesday, as the title suggests, we’ll post a gaming video that fulfills the criteria of “weird”.
To kick off Weird Video Wednesday, I want to spotlight a bizarre Sega CD game called Wild Woody, developed by Sega. This is a traditional 2D platformer in which you play as the titular Woody, a real “wild” guy who happens to be a pencil. Outstanding features are the terrible, terrible cutscenes, repetitive music, and best of all, a central mechanic of rubbing (or erasing) enemies and platforms to progress. So you might call this a game essentially about rubbing one out. [EDIT: Sorry, the original video is down so I replaced it with a gameplay-only video. Do check out those cutscenes!]
And as a bonus – we all lose with a bonus like this – there is a weird as hell and highly inappropriate (i.e. not safe for work) easter egg in Wild Woody. Despite clearly being a child-targeted game, Wild Woody features a topless mermaid which can be unlocked in the game through a specific method. So without further ado, here is Sega at its sexiest…