Tagged: XBox

Shitty platforming in Ninja Gaiden Black (Xbox)

These past few weeks I’ve become very intimate with the Game oveR screen in Ninja Gaiden Black on the original Xbox. I was already aware of its reputation of being hard as nails. What I wasn’t expecting is the plaforming, which is… utter shit. It pains me to say it, because platforming is not a huge part of this game – 10% of the levels? 5%? – but so far I’ve come across several platforming challenges where the game has taken more than its fair share of the piss.

Look, I get it. It’s trying to look cool, to be Prince of Persia: Sands of Time, which came out just a few months before Ninja Gaiden. And there are moments when Ninja Gaiden pulls it off. But there are moments that are just plain awful. Continue reading

50 Shades of Play (Welcome to the Playroom)

Went to see Fifty Shades of Grey at the cinema the other day. Being a romance film (of sorts), I knew there’d be a videogame reference somewhere in there. What I didn’t expect was the film’s absolute ripeness for parody… the “Playroom” turned out to be the most interesting and memorable character in the whole movie. Anyway this is my first ever gif, and the video was made in Moviemaker, so go easy. Enjoy these respective tributes to Sega and the Angry Video Game Nerd.

50 shades of sega saturn


Christian Grey is sporting at least fifty shades of Sega goodness right there. Of course a rich guy like him would have all the expensive Saturn stuff, Panzer Dragoon Saga, Radiant Silvergun, etc… I hear he’s also got a near-complete Neo Geo collection. And that’s all I have to say on Fifty Shades of Grey. Over and out.

Russell Brand and the anti-videogame proletariat agenda (aka Jonathan Ross and videogames)

Everyone’s banging on about Russell Brand and his revolution. Crypto-fascist-communist-socialist-leftist-conservatist-sexist-racist-totalitarianist scum that he is, or whatever, according to Google the man is of no relevance to videogames. Therefore he shall not be mentioned again until he sees sense and replaces Satoru Iwata as Nintendo of Japan’s CEO. Now that’s how you go about changing political systems. Despite Brand’s uselessness, his accomplice in the Sachs phone scandal, Jonathan Woss, is of some import as these adverts and videogame cameos show. 

IBM, was it weally necessary to so cwuely include the word wange??

After a long career on television, Woss’s career finally peaked with this.

As the only “celebrity” actually trying in this advert his delivery deserves some credit, despite how saccharine and cringe-worthy the advert is more generally. It’s not acting either on Ross’s part, the bloke is definitely passionate about games. 

He has a limited wange though, let’s be honest. “Let’s go give baby his bottle” with his delivery sounds literal, credible, real – you can imagine this space marine leaning back to attend to his thirsty child in the back seat. It certainly doesn’t sound like the bad-ass testosterone-fulled war cry you know it’s supposed to be.

And as a final bonus he’s got one or two more lines recorded here. Skip to 4:15.

Perhaps at some point I’ll return to discuss Woss in Fable 3 (3 is definitely Woss’s magic number), and his recent iOS game, Catcha Catcha Aliens, but until then that’s enough Woss love. He’s just a comedian after all, never mind that he loves Parodius, and anyway as we know all comedians are exactly the same and of no relevance to anyone.